Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
