I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Randomize
