Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
