Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
