Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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