New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
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