Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
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