You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
