I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
