My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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