First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
