I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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