She went from zero to smokin in five shots
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
