Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
