If i come over, it means nothing
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
