I got chris browned last night
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
