So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
It's like God shit irony all over that family
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
This baby is an asshole
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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