I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Randomize
