Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
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