Where did you get a picture of my penis
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
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