Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
