I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
