Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
PANTIES FOUND
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