5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
