I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Randomize
