Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
