either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
