I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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