The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
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