I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
