So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Randomize
