Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Randomize
