is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
Rock
Scissors
Fuck
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
