In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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