Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
