She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Randomize
