So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
