pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
