somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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