I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Randomize
