Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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