so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
