sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
