Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Randomize
