listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
