It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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