what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
