We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
