So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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