All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
