Life is so much better after having sex.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
