Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Randomize
