respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
