I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
