Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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