Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
